News item: Taboola scores Apple advertising deal, shares surge

[SIX TO TWELVE MONTHS FROM NOW]

[FADE IN]

[DRONE CAMERA flies across Apple Park, swoops past rainbow sculpture, comes to rest in front of Tim COOK.]

COOK: Good mooooorning! We have some FABULOUS products to talk about today; things combining beautiful design, cutting edge technology, and respect for your privacy for that ONLY APPLE can do. At Apple, our most cherished value is helping people do their best, most creative work, and thanks to iPhone, Mac, iPad, and now Apple Vision Pro, we help them do that more than ever. We’ll start today with an update on the Mac, from John.

John TERNUS: The Mac is thriving, and today we’re introducing—

APPLE VICE PRESIDENT FOR GLOBAL AD SALES [Jumping up in front of camera]: She was not aware that these photos were being taken!

TERNUS [pushing AVPGAS aside]: —we’re introducing the next step in the Mac’s evolution as the best platform for—

[TERNUS collapses sideways as he is tackled at the knees by AVPGAS]

AVPGAS: Top Cardiologist Begs: Quit Eating Blueberries Before This Happens! Look at this disgusting gelatinous substance smeared on these hands! You MUST CLICK to find out what it is that c—

[SMASH CUT TO Craig FEDERIGHI, in front of a screen filled with tiles of various sizes listing macOS features]

FEDERIGHI: Uh, thanks … John … Hey, you know it’s time once again for a new version of macOS to fully take advantage of the tremendous power that Apple Silicon provides. But what to call it? [chuckles] Well maybe we should visit our crack marketing t—

AVPGAS [Appearing in each tile of the screen]: Harvard Doctors recommend this Sleep Apnea Treatment Without CPAP (It’s Genius). Try it tonight!

AVPGAS2: Seven Discounts seniors only get if they ask!

AVPGAS3: Always keep a bread clip in your wallet. Here’s why

AVPGAS4: [shouting] TOENAIL FUNGUS?! DO THIS IMMEDIATELY

AVPGAS5: Locate almost anyone online in minutes! Do it now! Includes ex-girlfriends and your estranged children!

[A BURST OF STATIC is followed by a BLANK SCREEN]

[An iPHONE CAMERA activates; the user appears to be UNDER A DESK in a LAB of some kind]

Johny SROUJI: I called Security hours ago but no one has come. I hear them outside, clawing at the door. Please, please, if you can see or hear me send help

[Another BURST OF STATIC; We briefly see, in sequence, the STEVE JOBS THEATER showing a slide from a Keynote Presentation that reads “SEE WHAT THE CAST OF FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH LOOK LIKE NOW”; an OPEN FIELD; an array of raw food at CAFFÉ MACS presided over by the LIVER KING; an UNIDENTIFIED 1970s PIN-UP; the ROOF of APPLE PARK with LISA JACKSON hiding behind a SOLAR PANEL]

AVPGAS: If you can name 16/30 of these 80s Bands you are a true Rocker!

COOK: [Superficially calm, but his left eye is twitching slightly] Only … Only … Apple … Only … Apple … can … deliver

AVPGAS: HER DRESS WAS THE MOST INAPPROPRIATE ON THE RED CARPET [PHOTOS]