Doc Socc

Superhero blogging is the province of other members of this collective. But here—via Dan Myers, outgoing chair of the Notre Dame sociology department—is Rory McVeigh, incoming chair of said department, welcoming new grad students to the program. Dan explains the hat in coldly rational terms. But I prefer to think we’re witnessing the birth of a new Supervillain: Doc Socc, whose origin story begins with the mild-mannered but brilliant young Rory being continually passed over when it was time to choose teams in grade school, and who subsequently used his genius to develop the FootieTron (pictured), a prosthetic attachment that enhanced his football skills a millionfold. But once he tried it on, an accidental burst of gamma radiation made the device meld with his brain and now Doc Socc is on a quest to make THE WORLD play soccer FOREVER in teams of HIS choosing. Muaahahahahahaha. Special powers: tactical planning, team organization, long throw, kills enemies from a distance with deadly-accurate soccerbomb passes, close up by hacking expertly at their ankles. Noted ability: when captured, convincingly feigns mortal injury (writhes on ground clutching leg or head) to generate diversion and/or sympathy. Then escapes.