Despite recent refusals to be drawn into escalating blogger rhetoric about “fisking” and “idiotarianism,” and its professed distaste for snide cheap shots, high ranking officials at Kieran Healy’s Weblog today admitted to secretly maintaining a Weapons of Rhetorical Destruction (WRD) program of their own. Prompted by questions from opposition groups, Weblog officials affirmed that their posture of neutrality was a sham and that they now followed the Sawicky Doctrine. “Though we will not strike first, empty rhetorical attacks will henceforth be retailiated against with all necessary force” a diplomat said.

The precise content of the weblog’s WRD program is not known, though analysts suggested that sentences upgraded with laser-guided adjectives (such as “Asinine”, “Infantile”, “Witless”) were a strong possibility, as were weaponized versions of phrases from Healy’s home country (such as “Crock of Shite”, “Pure bollocks” and “Donkey Gudge”). “We don’t want to use these words with links behind them,” the diplomat continued, “but we no longer feel bound by prior agreements to the contrary.”

Strategic experts from the State Department said they were surprised Healy’s WRD program was so far advanced. “We had thought he was still using outdated technology like old ‘Nincompoop’ rockets and U.K.-manufactured ‘Rotter’ grenades. But it looks now as though he may very soon have the capacity to produce Intercontinental Ballistic Metaphors. That’s just unacceptable.” They pointed out that Healy seemed to have acquired this capability despite the embargo on Thesaurus exports, and argued this was “clear proof that sanctions simply have not worked.”

Yet some experts say we should have seen this coming. They point out that, although the Weblog has not employed WRDs to date, its progenitor is well known for having used them at various phases during his ruthless rise to power. Officials also said they had recently uncovered evidence that Healy had used WRDs much earlier in his career than previously suspected. “The fact that he would stoop to using these weapons on his own people is very disturbing, and shows what a reckless and irrational character we are dealing with,” a source at the University of Tennessee Law School branch of NORAD said. “Although our Commander in Chief’s status as leader of the Blogsphere’s only superpower is of course unchallenged, we may still need to pre-emptively strike before it’s too late. I mean, there’s an old saying in Tennessee—- Fool me once…”