An under-appreciated genre, from the golden age of Irish television before the arrival of foreign channels in the early to mid 1980s. I was trying to remember these today because they came up in conversation for no very good reason. I’m sure I can’t have remembered them all. Help me out.

  1. The Safe Cross Code, with Judge.

Obviously the most famous one. All Irish people between the ages of about twenty and forty can sing this. If I remember, there are long and short versions. The long version includes the mythical Safe Cross Code wardens in their white plastic macs, and Judge saying “Unless you live next door to the school, you’ll have to cross the road sometime.” I believe it opens with Mr Crow complaining about Foxy’s abysmal efforts to sing the song.

  1. So You’re Off To School On Your Bike, narrated by Mike Murphy.

More safety advice for children, this time without the comforting presence of Judge. “No signals, nobody looked, all on the wrong side of the road—in fact, just about everything was wrong.” You tell ’em Mike.

  1. John, Did You Put The Cat Out?.

A classic short regarding fire hazards at home. Bookended by John being harangued by his wife (in bed) for not remembering to put the cat out. In between, nearly burns the house down due to improbable combination of (a) smoldering cigarettes left in precariously perched ashtray, (b) overloaded electrical socket, (c) stroke of genius by panic-ridden John of throwing half-finished whisky on incipient fire and making the curtains catch alight, (d) second stroke of genius of throwing water on the electrical fire next to the telly. Cat likely moved out permanently later, or was accidentally left in the freezer or something.

  1. E.D.I.T.H.

A close second on fire safety. Every family should have an Evacuation Drill In The Home worked out. Dad plans everything and informs the family about the drill at a family meeting. Dad gets to blow the whistle initiating the Drill. Only Dad gets to blow the whistle. Naturally, the house actually burns down shortly afterward. Do not jump from upstairs bedroom windows. Do not breathe in smoke. Do not blow the whistle unless you are Dad. I remember us pestering my father to work out an E.D.I.T.H. for us. He was skeptical.

  1. Big John, or, Oh, Me Achin’ Back.

Work safety. All about Big John, who spent the day lifting stuff at work in a non-orthopedically wise manner. Set to C&W style music. “But he never gave a thought to his back booooone ….. Oooh, me achin’ back!” Worth it for the shot of Big John in traction at the end.

  1. Put it This Way.

Put it this way … a list of the negative consequences of leaving lit cigarettes around the place. “Put it any way you like … but when you’re finished, Put It Out.” Not so interesting.

  1. Two Will Do.

Early days of anti drink-driving campaigns. Each drink (whisky as I remember) is likened to loading a shell into a shotgun.

  1. Road Safety.

Wear light-colored clothing and reflective armbands at night or die violently on the road. Also, put some lights on your bike. Contained disturbing (for a c. 7 year old) shot of person being hit head on by a car. Also contained disturbing (for anyone) but true sentence about Ireland: “In the Winter it can get dark as early as half past four.”

  1. Fire-proof nighties.

No, really. Always buy a nightie with this code on the label. I forget the code. I bet someone else remembers, though. The actress may later have played the Witch on Fortycoats but I’m not sure.

  1. Rabies Kills—Agonizingly.

Rabies Kills. Agonizingly. Look at this picture of a man foaming at the mouth, strapped to a hospital bed. Now look at this picture of a dog jumping off a boat onto a dock. Keep Rabies Out of Ireland you dirty foreigners.

  1. Yellow Box Guy.

A vain effort to teach Irish motorists about keeping junctions clear of traffic by not driving in the goddamn yellow box, starring underemployed council worker. Phrase “goddamn box” not actually used in original spot.

  1. Public Health.

“Noel Carroll can run 800 meters in …” some time or other. A lot faster than you, anyway. Also, someone else can swim faster than you and so on. You are fat. See, you are not fit enough to run up those steps. Or catch that bus. There it goes. Start exercising. Contained memorable, perfectly-composed shot of a couple in a restaurant above a tennis court. Down below, two people are energetically playing tennis. In the restaurant, the one table we see is filled with the remains of a gigantic Irish breakfast, and also several drinks, and an ashtray full of cigarettes. The guy on the left has an enormous pot belly, pattern baldness, bulbous eyes and thick, fleshy lips. He looks like a well-fed, Irish Gollum. He glances out the window with amused contempt. “That’s not for me at all,” he says. Fantastic.