Flaming the Left is a difficult matter, It isn’t just one of your holiday games; You may think at first I’m as mad as a hatter When I tell you, you’re going to need THREE DIFFERENT FLAMES. First of all, are the flames that the bloggers use daily, Such as Ignorant, Jerk-in-the-Box, Leftist or Lame, Such as Asshat or Poopy-head, Liberal or Crazy—All comprehensible, everyday flames. There are fancier claims if you think they sound neater, Some for the heated times, some for the tame: Such as Clintonite, Keynesian, New Deal, Single-Payer—But all of them regular, everyday flames. But I tell you the left needs a flame more particular, Something less honest, a bit more cockeyed, Else how can we keep up our image testicular, Or cook up the data, or tell garish lies? Flames of this kind are by now ten a penny, Such as Darwinist, Feminist or Stab-in-the-Back, Such as Idiotarian, or else Fifth Columnist, Codes the wingnuts all listen for, on their antennae. But above and beyond there’s still one name left over, And that is the charge you by now have all guessed; The thing that no liberal will ever admit to—But RIGHT-WINGERS ALL KNOW, and have often expressed. When you engage a liberal in argumentation, Your tactic, I tell you, should be to defame His motives, his background, his disloyal mother, And be sure to Cry Treason, With no sense of shame.