Sat Dec 6, 2003
Via my former RA Brayden King comes news that you can now Marry Your Pet if you feel that it’s, you know, the one. Matilda, who has been a “Pet and Partners Priest for longer than she’d care to remember” will marry you and your chosen pet in one of three sizes of wedding. Many happily married interspecies couples testify that it brought added depth and meaning to their lives. It was the disclaimer that convinced me the site was on the level. It helpfully points out that although you get a marriage certificate “You have no conjugal rights. You are not allowed to have sex with your pet.”
If you don’t want that kind of relationship with your dog, then perhaps you should consider sending it to Dog Island, where they may roam freely on one of the three constituent islands (for big, medium and small dogs, as appropriate), and feed on rabbits raised on wild carrots.
Incidentally, you may not wed if both you and your pet are gay, as this would desecrate the sanctity of marriage.